Being at Your Best When Your Kids Are at Their Worst: Practical Compassion in Parenting

Children who act out can tap adults’ emotional hot buttons, and the subsequent combustion is rarely productive for either party. Educational consultant Payne (Simplicity Parenting) builds on the practice of visualization he learned from sports psychologists as a young athlete in this accessible book for parents and teachers. Part one contains advice and tools for breaking from the “action-reaction” response when provoked, and understanding that children “ping,” or elicit reactions from, the adults they rely on when they’re upset. Part two explains a four-step “compassionate response” for adults that is based on the work of influential authors such as Stephen Covey and Rudolf Steiner, and which overlaps with mindfulness practices. The idea is to start with the only thing one can control: one’s response, an insight Payne likens to the flight attendant’s warning to parents to secure their own oxygen mask first. Part three explains that once tapped into this practice, one can extend it to any child one encounters in crisis. In other words, the key to helping an out-of-control child is a self-regulated adult. This book proves to be a practical guide to carrying out this centered approach, as well as an easy and encouraging reading experience. (Sept.)